The Zodiac Signs as Comically Chaotic Gaming Setups

Mel Dawn

Mar 21, 2022 12:00 PM EDT

People who write horoscopes are always flattering the reader with vague positivity and flowery compliments, often making astrology feel insufferably boring. What do the planetary alignments say about the fact that I'm an emotional wreck who habitually sabotages healthy relationships? That's what I want to know. Even most relatable astrology memes fail to realize the comedic potential of the format. Shitposter @nick_vyssotsky did a little astrological trolling with his series of zodiac signs as extremely cursed workstation setups, and as far as I'm concerned, it's exactly what the astrology community has been missing. We're elaborating on @nick_vyssotsky's spin on astrology memes by envisioning the zodiac as a bunch of toxic gamers with terrible personality traits. Keep scrolling to find out who you are.

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Aries (21st March - 19th April)

via @nick_vyssotsky

Aries is bold and demanding, like a selfish child. Aries knows they're always right and isn't afraid to let everyone in the comments of an insular subreddit know. Like other fire signs, Aries is impulsive and passionate, often to a fault.

Video game of choice: Fortnite.
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via @nick_vyssotsky
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via @nick_vyssotsky
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Taurus (20th April - 20th May)

via @nick_vyssotsky

Taurus is self-indulgent, greedy, and a little bit of a control freak. Taurus is a hustler, always finessing their way toward a lavish lifestyle supported by a passive income. Taurus is likely mining bitcoin in a basement somewhere.

Video game of choice: Overwatch.
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via @nick_vyssotsky
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via @nick_vyssotsky
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Gemini (21st May - 20th June)

via @nick_vyssotsky

Gemini has a lot of anxiety, which stems from the desire to be liked by everyone around them. They're so impressionable and chameleon-like, it's hard to figure out who Gemini even is. Gemini is the type of person who has several Instagram accounts, each representing a different part of their personality.

Video game of choice: Banjo-Kazooie.
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via @nick_vyssotsky
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via @nick_vyssotsky
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Cancer (21st June - 22nd July)

via @nick_vyssotsky

Cancer is clingy and emo, often finding themselves in codependent relationships. If cancer doesn't know what their loved ones are thinking or feeling at all times, they tend to cope by oversharing on social media and posting cringe about their emotions.

Video game of choice: The Sims.
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via @nick_vyssotsky
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via @nick_vyssotsky
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Leo (23rd July - 22nd August)

via @nick_vyssotsky

Leo is literally at the center of our solar system, and they don't let anyone forget it. They're the life of the party, whether anyone likes it or not. To Leo, they're the star of the show and everyone else is just an NPC.

Video game of choice: Fall Guys: Ultimate Knockout.
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via @nick_vyssotsky
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Virgo (23rd August - 22nd September)

via @nick_vyssotsky

Virgo is a type-A perfectionist who isn't easy to get along with. When Virgo sees a grammatical error in someone's post, they can't help themselves but correct the offender. Even when they're not saying anything critical, Virgo naturally emits a judgmental energy.

Video game of choice: Cities: Skylines.
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via @nick_vyssotsky
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Libra (23rd September - 22nd October)

via @nick_vyssotsky

Libra is a happy-go-lucky optimist who just wants everyone to get along. A hopeless romantic, Libra is rarely single and only focuses on the good qualities of others while overlooking glaring red flags. When random creepers slide into Libra's DMs, they reply every time.

Video game of choice: Animal Crossing: New Horizons.
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via @nick_vyssotsky
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via @nick_vyssotsky
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Scorpio (23rd October - 21st November)

via @nick_vyssotsky

Scorpio is obsessive and secretive, often plunging deep into obscure internet microcosms and fixating on them until they've lost touch with reality a bit. If they're passionate enough about something, Scorpio will go all in, even if it ruins them.

Video game of choice: Bloodborne.
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via @nick_vyssotsky
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Sagittarius (22nd November - 21st December)

via @nick_vyssotsky

Sagittarius is irresponsible, impatient, and kind of a dick. They rarely finish a project before starting a new one, which makes them seem flaky to people around them. Sagittarius doesn't think before saying what's on their mind, and some of their past tweets could definitely get them canceled.

Video game of choice: Grand Theft Auto Online.
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via @nick_vyssotsky
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Capricorn (22nd December - 19th January)

via @nick_vyssotsky

Capricorn is a straight up pessimist but prefers the term "realist." Capricorn moderates multiple subreddits about atheism and their role model is Henry Kissinger.

Video game of choice: XCOM 2.
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via @nick_vyssotsky
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via @nick_vyssotsky
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Aquarius (20th January - 18th February)

via @nick_vyssotsky

Aquarius often comes across as detached and emotionally unavailable due to the impenetrable wall they put up if anyone attempts to get to know them. Aquarius is the sort of person who would run for office but never introduce themselves to their neighbor.

Video game of choice: Civilization VI.
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via @nick_vyssotsky
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Pisces (19th February - 20th March)

via @nick_vyssotsky

Pisces is a scatterbrained space cadet who is indecisive at the worst times, when crucial decisions need to be made. Pisces has escapist tendencies, often procrastinating until a problem becomes impossible to ignore.

Video game of choice: Disco Elysium.
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